Ali's Story

I'm the result of a one night-stand, and my father never knew of my existence. Because of the prejudices of the country I was born in (being tri-racial and not having a biological father), my mom abandoned me and I was orphaned. I was later adopted by a family in the US, but they only adopted me because they thought another child would fix their marriage. Well, the obvious is that it didn't, and I ended up as their punching bad (literally).

I encountered horrible physical and sexual abuse from them. A couple years after they adopted me I was put in short-time foster care. This foster family started to bring me to church and I started to hear about this guy, "Jesus". I learned that Jesus loved me so much that he died on a cross and rose again to save me from my sin. At the time I really related, Jesus took the beating for me, because he loves me. I realized that no matter where I go or what I do, he's always love me and be there. So I asked him into my life, but as fire insurance. I didn't know what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ until much later. Anyway, this foster family later adopted me. My new dad, though, never really wanted a girl.

He told me he only adopted me because me mom wanted a girl. So I grew up in this new home, without a good relationship with my father. I tried so hard to win his approval of me, but it never worked. My two brothers are awesome. If anyone could have the best two brothers in the world, it's me, and competing with and against them was no contest. I grew up feeling inadequate. I wasn't good enough because I wasn't my brothers, I wasn't a boy. I started having really low self esteem, even though I was a great athlete, an even better student, and I had a lot of friends. When I was 15, my parents separated, and I entered into a depression. I didn't understand why they separated. I mean my family was a "church going" family. I suffered from anorexia for six months. I was angry at God, and despised him. I thought God was sadistic. I thought he created me to be his punching bag, because everyone else did. I was really hurt and confused. I didn't understand why God "put” me through all the abuse and neglect. On my 16th birthday my parents filed for divorce. I become more angry. I started to drink to self-medicate myself. I finally came to a point where all hope was lost and I attempted suicide. I woke up in a hospital bed crying, and I said "God, if you're real reveal yourself to me, or else I'll see you in a few minutes" . I planned to hang myself in the hospital. And it was as though a voice was telling me, "Find a bible." And you know, the Gideons are everywhere. I found a Gideon bible and I opened it up to 1 Kings 19 when Elijah is fleeing from Jezebel. And he tells the Lord, "I've had enough! Take my life! I'm no better than my ancestors!" then it goes on to say that Elijah fell asleep. I realized that Elijah was depressed! He was like me!

Now, I grew up in a church, with all sorts of bible stories, and I knew that Elijah was a big-wig prophet. God had used Elijah in amazing ways, and here he is in this story crying out for God to take his life. As the passage goes on, God sent Elijah angels to watch over him, minister to him. God provided for all of Elijah's needs and gave him rest. God also gave Elijah instructions, purpose and direction in his life. I noticed a few things about this story; Elijah talked to God like he knew him. Really knew him, like a friend. Second, Elijah chose to live. Third, God blessed him, met his needs in a personal way and gave him purpose and direction in his life. That's when I put my Bible down and asked Jesus to have a personal relationship with him. I wanted purpose and direction in my life, I needed healing. And I realized that God never "put" me through anything he "allowed" things to happen so that I can have this testimony about his love and power and saving grace! Three years later, I'm doing great. My family still needs to be mended, but that's all in Christ's hands. College is awesome! I'm passionate about life! I'm not bitter or resentful. Jesus has healed me, redeemed me, and anointed me. And I love Jesus with every atom of my being, with every breath of my existence!

Knowing God